1 Corinthians 13:4 Love is… not arrogant
How many marriages could be saved if just one partner would apologize? How many friendships – if only one person would put down their pride and say “I’m sorry”? Pride is truly the root of so many evils.
Pride and arrogance are the stepping stones to lust, to selfishness, to anger, to contempt. There’s no room for pride in a loving relationship – pride takes up too much space. Really loving someone means being willing to admit faults and shortcomings. Love puts others first, even at the expense of ego or dignity. Pride just doesn’t fit into the scenario.
A proud person makes decisions based on what will make them look the best. They’ll take others down to build themselves up and hurt feelings to keep from admitting wrong. We don’t think we’re being evil when we’re prideful, it seems right, even good, at the time. You know yourself well enough to know where your pride resides. Capture it, and act in love. Be willing to be wrong and admit it. Be ready to step aside when someone has a better idea. Respect in love.
1 Corinthians 13:4 Love…does not…boast
No one likes a braggart. Excessive boasting is obnoxious and rude. It belittles others and serves self. In short, it’s not love. Let’s translate this into a scenario you can relate to.
You’re out with friends. The girls are chatting together while the guys share a word. You’re going on about what you did for your girlfriend for your anniversary, telling all of the details about how much hard work you put into it. This can play out two ways.
You’re either sharing all this so that your friends know how wonderful you think your girlfriend is, and how deserving she is of this treatment, expressing regret that you can’t always treat her with this much attention – or, you’re bragging. In the latter scenario, you’re trying to make yourself look good, which makes it seem as though you went so out of your way for such an underserving wretch as your girlfriend, and she’s so lucky to have a good person like you in her life. How does this make her feel? Is that loving?
Love builds others up, it doesn’t tear them down. And bragging does bring others down in an attempt to elevate self. It’s best to follow the wisdom of Proverbs 27:2 and “Let another praise you, and not your own mouth”. True love acts in humility.
1 Corinthians 13:4 Love…does not envy
Are you happy when your loved ones succeed? It seems like a silly question, but the reality is that there can be times when we’re not happy for them when they have done something that makes them happy. The root of this can be two things; either one equates to envy.
We may feel inadequate that something other than ourselves can have this effect on those around us. Maybe we want to be the only one capable of bringing them happiness. “Could I put as much of a smile on her face as this has?” “Am I even good enough?” This is envy in one regard.
Another common scenario is just being jealous that someone else has something that you don’t. You want what they have so you can’t just be happy for them. Again, it’s envy, and it’s not loving.
True love wants what’s best for others. You don’t want something at the expense of your spouse, your friends, your family. You’re willing to give up your own desires to see them live a fulfilling life. You put them first, never trying to step on them to get what you want.
True love rejoices in triumphs and grieves alongside the hurting. True love will even help achieve those triumphs. We’ve got to hold others in that high a regard. When God chooses to bless, that’s a time to give thanks, not pout in envy.
1 Corinthians 13:4 Love is… kind
There are some people who could just make you cringe with the way they treat those they claim to love. Insults, vulgarities, and general mean-spiritedness define these relationships. Could this really be love? Is it even possible that these people who treat each other worse than enemies have anything even resembling love for each other? You know the people…you’ve seen them out in public, they’re the couple at the dinner party that everyone else is sort of embarrassed for.
Love is so much more than just the way we feel about each other. The way we treat each other, however, is a reflection of what our true view is of those we “love”. It’s not possible to love someone in the true definition of the word and treat them with contempt or unkindness. When you love someone, you want to be kind to them. You want to treat them as though they are important and worthy of respect. There’s no room for intentionally hurting feelings, manipulation, or making them feel worthless.
Love is kind and our example is Jesus. The only perfect man to ever walk the earth treated His loved ones with the utmost kindness and respect. He expects us to do the same, not just for those we love, but for those He loves.
1 Corinthians 13:4a Love is patient…
When you think about words that describe love, patience may not be among the first to come to mind. It’s true that one of the things usually not portrayed as “love” in society is a patience for others. Patience means that we are, as James tells us to be, “quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger” (James 1:19). That doesn’t happen naturally.
For most of us, the instinctive way to act is to be quick to give our thoughts on something. This logically means that we’re not putting listening first. When we put ourselves before others by not listening, we’re devaluing them and in turn the relationship. True love waits. Sometimes this means listening first.
Or, more often maybe, that means putting up with something for the sake of our relationships. When someone does something that rattles us, how we react makes the difference in whether or not we’re acting in love. Quick, sharp words are most often hurtful. Loving, thought-out words spoken with patience will do more than win an argument. They’ll show the other person that we value them and care about how we make them feel.
True love takes effort, and patience.
1 Corinthians 13:8, 13 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
We are taught that love is merely a feeling. When we cease to be happy in a relationship we say that we have “fallen out of love.” But that’s not love. Real love is first a decision that we make towards another person. It’s THEN an emotion that’s tied to that intentional relationship. It’s both the decision and the emotion that cause us to keep loving for the long haul. They both get us through the ups and downs that come with any relationship. The decision God made to love us was not based on emotion; it was not conditional. It does not change based on feelings or emotions. It does not end.
God demonstrated his love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). If that’s our example of what love is then how are we capable of saying that we stopped loving someone? That’s the unselfish love God shows, not the selfish so-called love this world knows.
Love NEVER ends. When everything else has passed away in this life, all that will remain is love. Even when faith is no longer needed because everything we had faith in has now come; even when hope is no longer necessary, love will abide. Love is the one thing that lasts forever. Love, in fact, only increases after Christ has fulfilled all that is to come. Even now we don’t fully know real love, but we will.
When we continue to show love despite our circumstances, we demonstrate to the world how it is that God loves us. The power this has is unimaginable. Jesus even told His disciples that the one mark that stands out above the rest which will identify those who follow Him is love (John 13:35). Not our devotion to political causes or our ability to recite the 10 Commandments from memory; by our love for one another.
The message you send to the world about who God is rests upon how well you love others. There’s such weight in that. People that get all of the “religious” stuff right, but don’t love others are no better than a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. They’re just noise. God’s love never ends and neither should ours.
1 Peter 4:8-10 Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace
Grace isn’t often a word that’s used in popular society today. When we say grace, we might be talking about a ballerina and how she has the ability to dance with great finesse. That’s not what grace means in the Bible, though. It’s simply being given what we don’t deserve. We receive God’s grace when He forgives us, even though we don’t deserve it. We show grace to others when we treat them in a way other than what’s expected.
In our world, grace is always a surprise. We are hardwired for reciprocity and punishment; revenge is an utterly instinctual mode of thinking and living. So when someone withholds judgment, especially when it is deserved, we are astonished.
We’re mixed up. We think that showing people grace means they’re going to take advantage of us. And I could admit that probably would be the case if everyone was going around demonstrating grace to everyone who did wrong. But the fact of the matter is that almost no one truly demonstrates grace in our society. When everything is about an eye for an eye and a tooth for tooth, grace is radical and it turns people upside down.
What if instead of trying to get back at people, we just showed them God’s love? The world would be flipped on its head. People don’t expect grace.
“BUT,” you say, “You don’t know what people have done to wrong me!!” I understand. We’ve all seen our share of hurt from other people. But no one has done anything to you that’s beyond what you’re capable of doing to another person. Maybe you wouldn’t do the specific thing they did to hurt you, but you’re quite capable of doing something of the same severity to them or someone else. How often have you sinned against God and how much have you been forgiven?
We are all recipients of God’s grace. How can we not take that gift and pass it along? Just try it and see the power of grace.
Ephesians 4:32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
I know I’m not alone when I say I’ve been forgiven by God for SO many things that I have no right to withhold forgiveness from anyone who wrongs me.
Pride causes us to hold a grudge, but God calls us to be humble.
Pride demands an apology.
It takes humility to forgive an offense.
Pride refuses to admit our own wrongdoing.
Humility enables us to sincerely apologize and seek reconciliation.
If you want to demonstrate true, godly love to your kids, apologize to them when necessary. It shows them that you value them more than your ego. If you truly want to repair a relationship that’s gone wrong, show some humility.
If you want your relationships to thrive, resist pride.
Real love is powerful because it is selfless. The world’s love lacks any power because it’s all self-centered. When we put others before ourselves, we love like God loves us and it’s a game changer. Showing humility to others values them, just as God’s love for us gives us value.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Some of us need a new definition of love, based on God’s view, not the world’s. The “love” that the world tries to sell us is fake. The world’s version of love is either just a really self-centered, emotionally driven feeling, or it’s all about lust and sex, or it’s some concept of the real thing that we’re told can’t really be obtained.
God’s love – real love – is so incredibly different than what most of us have experienced that it seems radical. The truth is, it is radical, and when we love others with the love of God we upgrade our relationships in a very real way. First we have to understand God’s love for ourselves.
Maybe some of Paul’s description of love in 1 Corinthians doesn’t even fit your view of God, let alone your view of love. Take patience for example. Your past may have been led you to believe that God is anything but patient, but let me ask you a question. Would someone who is impatient keep sending prophet after prophet after prophet to send the same message over and over and over again to people who just won’t seem to listen? That’s the Old Testament.
Look at Jesus as an example of patience. He taught the stubborn and foolish disciples lesson after lesson, lowering himself so far below the honor He deserved. If God is willing to have this type of patience with us; this type of kindness and endurance, we can and should love others with this type of love.